Dreaming bigger

As this Sunday comes to an end, my mind drifts toward a big glass of wine. I don’t have any, but I wish I did. Because today is my last day of the Easter break which means tomorrow I am back to work. And I wish I wasn’t.

Why does this always happen? Why do we get bored with our jobs? Why is it so difficult to find that one job that sparks passion inside of you, that makes you wake up everyday energized and ready to take on the tasks?

As I look out the window I see the wind blowing the blossomed apple tree. White petals dance through the air and fall on the ground gently. They are so delicate and beautiful. I turn around, make my way into the kitchen and light up a candle. I look at the flame for a moment and think ‘I wish I dreamed bigger’. Is it too late?

I am not old, though I feel old. Time passed me by. Opportunities passed me by. I missed some good ones just because I was scared, just because I didn’t believe in my abilities, just because I didn’t dream bigger. Choosing some low-responsibility and easy-requirement jobs made myself stagnant, bored, even depressed. I forgot about my dreams and got too tired by the every day boredom to work toward my passions.

I am looking for jobs as a freelancer. I like editing and proofreading. But actually finding something solid isn’t easy. I want to put all of my efforts into making myself happy, not continue having a mediocre life, making myself miserable more than half the time.

I turn away from the candle and call my cats back inside. It’s gotten colder outside. The wind blows stronger. As I shut the door I cannot help asking myself ‘How did I get here and how do I get out?’

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