Craving for life

I always start my day with a cup of tea, followed by a cup of coffee. I like having at least 40 minutes to myself before I dress myself to work. Usually I read a few pages, but today I could not shake this feeling of hopelessness surrounding me.

You see… there’s this dream I have that pops up every now and then, about my high school best friends. Things happened and, unfortunately, I severed any link with them. It was my mistake, but something I had to do at the time. I miss them, I miss my time with them, but I don’t think I would change anything.

So, this dream. It is about them. I keep them in the back of my mind and, from time to time, they come out to the surface. And every time it happens I feel wrecked. My entire structure falls. They remind me of who I used to be, what I used to believe in and how life looked like through the eyes of a 17-year-old. And I miss the simplicity and the craving for life, for new, for adventure. I couldn’t wait to go out and learn, travel and explore. I was fearless, full of hope. I wanted to dive into the streams of life, away from what was causing me suffering and despair.

These friends helped me create my dreams, helped me fight away my sadness, lit a fire inside myself. And every time I dream about them I remember those feelings, I remember the flame. the burning desire to live, to escape mediocrity, to reach for the sky.

Years have passed. I’ve lost parts of myself along the way.

I didn’t get anywhere, but they did. Where did I go wrong? Haven’t we all started from the same point?

Is it too late to try and lit back the fire? Will I be able to achieve this by myself?

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