I have a weird question.
I met my better half when at 17 and we’ve been together ever since. This year will mark our 13-year anniversary and I still don’t know what to call him when I talk about him to a new person. You see, we’re not married. I don’t want a wedding because I hate being at the center of attention and I don’t like the ceremony itself. So, I can’t call him a husband, although we live and behave as a married couple.
I can’t say he’s my boyfriend either, because I think we are looong past that point. He’s my family. Sometimes I refer to him as my partner, but it makes me feel as if we are FBI agents working together. So what should I call him?
I know we don’t have to label the people in our lives, but, for example, if no one knows the name of my sister I just say she’s my sister and there’s no need for further explanations. It makes things easier. So, I’m just wondering if you have any suggestions.
And since we’re at this topic today, let’s have a good laugh about being married.
Have a fun Friday with your spouse!
Writing, Reading, Living, but mostly Hiding 
I’ve been married 40 years and have three kids. We separated for a while and I would never get married again if anything happened to him. But marriage, as you say, is about family, usually kids, but family. Maybe get married at the justice of peace, just you two, and call him your husband? A private celebration? Though maybe you do that, call him that, either way. Does he want to get married? If you want your independence forever, he’s your boyfriend. If he’s your family, why not make the commitment and call him what he is? Is money an issue? We always combined urs whether I worked or not. People subconsciously hold back when they don’t make that commitment. My son has lived with his girlfriend ten years or so and it appears to have kind of ruined it. Doesn’t sound like it’s the case in your situation. Just saying.
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It’s not about a commintment issue sice we both want to spend the rest of our lives together. I just don’t like weddings. I even refused to go to our best friends’ weddings. He give me hints at times, whenever he sees a nice church and he would say things like “oh, that would be a nice place to have our wedding” or “that’s a nice song we could dance at our wedding”, and so on. I think he doesn’t pop the question because he knows I don’t like weddings and maybe he’s afraid I’d say no 😂
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Yes, he’s likely afraid you will. Maybe his feelings should matter a bit more, though. There are lots of ways to do weddings with nobody knowing, etc. Of course, it’s YOUR life. Ha. Just one warning, one I’ve given my son. No matter how great it seems, relationships have trying times and the longer you wait, the more the commitment wanes–loses something somehow. There is a subconscious holding back that erodes the relationship over time. That commitment up front helps weather some hard times. I’ m not saying it’s impossible. Look at Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell who I suspect feel similarly to you. Not sure if they both feel that way, though. Just remember, if your guy hints he wants more, maybe you should listen! 🙂 Meantime, doesn’t realy matter what you call him. Don’t call him a partner unless you want people to think he’s the same sex as you, though. Ha. Let’s see: he’s your best friend, I’d say. I wish you both all the best.
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“Don’t call him a partner unless you want people to think he’s the same sex as you, though.” – Oh, good advice! thanks!! I’ll stick to “my guy” 😂
Well, if he asks me, I’ll have the wedding for his sake 😂 I’ll write a post about the wedding traditions in our country so you can get an idea why I don’t like them.
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p.s. With some men, marriage can ruin the relationship because they take you for granted so much, so there’s that. Still, it’s about family and taking that chance. In my opinion.
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The truth is that you don’t have to label him.
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I agree with that as well. It just makes it a bit difficult talking about him to strangers or here on the blog 😂
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Where do you live? But do you have to go by what they do there??
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I’m from Romania. And yes, because of our religion (orthodox), even if we’re not the religious type (but we got baptized, so we’re considered orthodox), we have to go through all the requirements or no one will perform the wedding.
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Romania? I have a good friend whose family came to US from there not long ago. Michigan State University cheerleader he was. Well, in the US, you can have a friend get ordained and do it with nobody there! My son got ordained online and married his best friend (though it didn’t last, so not sure if it took well). But you can pretty much do anything you want to here. You can’t do that there?
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Nope. The wedding is strictly a religious thing. Two years ago, when my friends got married, they had a hard time finding a priest because the guy is catholic and she’s orthodox. They asked around many priests and they got refused because the priest would only perform the wedding if SHE converted to catholicism (so, man’s religion). Anyway, they eventually found someone who agreed to marry them without making her change her religion, but they had to pay him extra money, aka fraud. Soooo… yeah, you can’t even get married in peace. Nobody else can perform a wedding except for a priest.
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And getting ordained online is illegal in your country? Can you go to another one close by? Ha. This seems a bit unusual these days.
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😂😂there’s no such thing as getting ordained online. I didn’t even know you can do such a thing until I watched the episode in Friends when Joey married Monica and Chandler😂
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Yes you can, and I think it’s legal in most countries it sounds like. Maybe look into it. You can have your best friend marry you. 🙂 Yeah, I remember that Friends episode.
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No, no. I meant that in my country this is not something you can do. You must be a priest, go through priest school, college, etc., do priest stuff😂😂 you can’t just become a church leader by getting an online paper. Here priests are taken very seriously and religion is a big part of the community. People would rather believe in a prayer than science. That’s why I am against it, and other reasons. And priests are given so much money that they can have mansions and expensive cars. Here, priests are payed loads of money for pretty much everything. Even when you go to church every sunday you give some money. Also, each neighborhood pertains to a certain church and you have to pay a tax to be part of it. If you don’t pay it, you’re not allowed inside the church. At least a neighbor told me this, as I don’t go to church or do religious things.
Yeah… it’s weird and this country is trapped in past traditions and superstitions.
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Wow. I see. Well, take a trip to the US and get married here by an ordained minister in someone’s back yard. Ha. I am pretty sure marriages are honored everywhere if they are legal where they are performed. That IS strange for sure compared to here. So many options here to do as you like. Well then…
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Well, my wife and I have been married for 36 years, so I don’t have experience. If you don’t like labels, I’d say just introduce him by name. This is Ted. (If you really want to mess with people, make up a name.) This is Raoul. 🤣 I doubt most people will ask about your status. I’d probably go with “partner” if you need a label.
One of my buddies has a funny one about labels. He’s the co-owner of a business. Once, he introduced his business friend as his “partner, ” which someone immediately misinterpreted as gay. Now he always says, “business partner.”😊
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😂 making up a name, that would br funny. Thanks.
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