Music has therapeutic properties and it acts as a medium in helping you understand and process your emotions. It can calm down your mind when you’re anxious or overthinking. It even has the ability to energize you and make you dance, elevating your mood.
But I was self-destructive and I used it as a way to bury myself deeper into my self-made burden. I used everything that could’ve helped me get better in the wrong way. I didn’t want to get out, I wanted to disappear. Darkness has a very seductive side and it’s easy to slide and succumb to it. I should’ve been more careful because that was false comfort. My mind was always tense, always hurting.
Despite being one of the greatest ways of self-expression, music led me deeper into the dark. I was using this amazing tool that could’ve helped me rise up, in the wrong way. I destroyed so many beautiful songs, tainted them with grief and sorrow, that I cannot endure hearing them anymore. They are forever engraved into my mind with the memory of those days. Even today I avoid listening to music or certain songs because I’m afraid they will trigger those emotions.