There’s this thing that burns inside me, turning my insides into ashes. The scream for a change is deafening. How could I have ignored it for this long? All I did was muffle the sound and continue living the days in agony. Not that anything really hurt, but I ignored my internal voice. And I still am.
Out of fear, I couldn’t see it, I thought I was just unable to decide. But it is fear that immobilizes me, that keeps me stranded to the same situation without letting me work toward a solution.
So, I shift my focus to the third chakra, the Manipura. This made me aware of my lack of direction. Even if I knew what I wanted (or at least I thought I knew, without really understanding what it implied), my willpower was weak. It would spike up one moment, then go completely down and disappear somewhere in the back of my mind, only to resurface from time to time. And it made me suffer.
I’ve waited for an opening, for something to push me and guide me on the proper road, but I’ve never found the source of my personal power because I was always searching it outside myself. I tried, through books and imitation, to propel myself in the direction others took, hoping I’ll find my own road along the way. Half of my life is gone (probably) and I still can’t find it. I believe I took the wrong approach. I want to find the power within me, take control of my own life and stir the wheel toward what I need, find my power, my strong points and stop procrastinating.
Is it too late? What if things won’t work out the way I want them to be? Would that be wasted time? Will I be able to move forward if I fail?
The only dependable truth about the future is uncertainty.