What a gloomy morning!! Yesterday was sunny and warm and I was looking forward to spending some time in the courtyard today, reading, bathing in the sun, but when I looked out the window it was raining!… So, I made myself a ginger-lemon tea and went back in bed. After my meltdown, I took some days off to recharge or at least to get some steam off.
I was watching a movie, holding the warm cup of tea in my left hand and these troubling questions popped into my head:
What does the future hold for me?
As days are passing by, how much time do I have left?
What is time? Why is the length of a day so short? Why does it feel like life’s avoiding me?
And on and on and on…
Unable to relax, I paused the movie and tried, as best as I could, to silence my mind. The room was dark and it felt soothing. Except for the cars, there were no other sounds. Soon, I fell asleep.
And I had this dream of being chased by a big dog or wolf. He was scary and had bloody eyes, looking ready to eat me alive. I was so scared and I was running through such a heavy and cold rain. I saw an abandoned building and I thought about seeking refuge inside. I closed the door shut but the dog broke it and he came to me with his bare teeth, snarling at me.
I woke up terrified. I felt like there was something in the dark watching me. What shadows are lurking in the corners of my room? Is nothing safe anymore? My anxiety levels are so high up I don’t know what to do with myself anymore…