Changes in the weather

After only two days of full spring, sunny, warm and with the air filled with the perfume of snowdrops and hyacinths, winter came back with its ruthless blizzard and pulverized the smiles on everybody’s faces. Somehow my insides feel the same. Once calm, serene and happy to have taken the decision to begin my search in the spiritual realm, now my mind is torn apart, piece by piece by a tornado of unstoppable thoughts. Why won’t they shut up?!

They come at me with anger, devouring every bit of me that was starting to heal. My throat is hurting with the words that I cannot voice, words that should be given form, words that burn my tongue and scream relentlessly inside my skull, bashing through my eyelids. I’m such a coward for letting me become their prisoner when it is me who created them in the first place. I cannot read anything because they appear through the pages. They are infiltrating between the lines, they are poisoning every blank space between the words.

They are not foreign thoughts, yet I cannot end this cycle. They come and go as they please, tormenting me from time to time, returning whenever they find a new way to break me and to destroy whatever I had managed to repair in their absence.

I’m not strong enough to keep them away for long. I’m still a slave to my own weakness.

One Comment Add yours

  1. Amorina Rose says:

    It is hard. You just have to keep trying.

    Liked by 1 person

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