It’s difficult to grasp how quickly the time passes. Even though time is only a measurement tool, its passage grows heavy on me. I can feel it in my bones, in the disintegration of my body.
These days I keep getting unwanted visits from the ghosts of my past. My nights are getting submerged under heavy emotions. Is it my body trying to tell me something, to warn me about something? Or maybe something long forgotten wants to be found?
How tricky the mind works. Just when I thought I’ve found peace, a hidden emotion sends my body into a tremor and boils my blood. It seems I cannot have a moment of clarity. These unresolved things are clouding my thoughts. It’s a space between my body and mind, like a Pandora’s Box where I’ve clustered all of my demons, my most shameful memories. Skeletons, one by one, are crawling their way out. Trying to forget about them just put them to sleep, but not for long. Whoever or whatever has the key to unlock them sends them free once in a while, forcing me to battle with them until the scars start bleeding again.
It is tiresome. I wish I knew a spell to shut them off completely. There are traces of their existence all over my body. How can I wash away years of abuse? Why didn’t I fight back? I am ashamed of myself, of how weak I am, how tolerant. I accepted to be a slave to other’s frustrations.
I am in a safe place now, but those feelings and memories keep coming back to haunt me. I feel like a rat in a cage. One day, the inevitable will happen. I wonder what will be my response…