Anna

It was the last time she saw him and she didn’t even knew his name….

Did you ever encounter someone on the street just randomly passing you by and, after that short moment of eye contact, you felt something weird, some kind of connection that left you thinking about that person?

Anna was going home after a long day at the university. This was years ago, but I can clearly hear her voice telling me about this stranger. She’d just walked across a guy that caught her attention; she felt something in his eyes, in the way that he looked at her, in the bronze color of his iris.

She passed him by many times, finding him in different parts of the city. And every time it happened they looked at each other, smiled and nodded, without uttering a single word. Maybe she fell in love with him or perhaps out of curiosity, Anna started to walk around the city looking for him. She never found him this way, only when she took her mind off him, then he’d appear. And Anna’s heart rejoiced every time she saw him. No matter how hard the day had been, just for that moment, after that quick glance, she’d feel happy, alive, as if there was no time or space and her body became so light that she floated far away, above all the problems and sadness. Sometimes these feelings could last for hours and she would dream of those eyes every time she couldn’t see them.

I think she was in love, though she refused to name it “love”. Anna believed it was something else and she feared that if they started talking the spell would break. She actually liked it this way although she was suffering whenever he disappeared. Sometimes weeks could pass before she saw him again. It was frustrating to watch. Why couldn’t they just talk?? Neither of them said nothing even though they recognized each other, smiled at each other every time they were passing by. It was difficult to understand. Still is.

Sometimes they even slowed their walk only to make that glance last longer. There was clearly something between them, but neither took any action. Anna kept dreaming with her eyes open. Maybe she didn’t want those things to exist outside her mind. She didn’t want to burst the bubble. She said she was waiting for something, but she didn’t know what. Anna felt it was not the right time to know him. And she kept on waiting.

I believe she had made a big mistake, because the last time she saw him he jumped off the bridge that we used to cross everyday to get into the city. She said it couldn’t been real. He looked like a shadow with a fuzzy outline. She clearly saw him jump, but she heard no sound when his body hit the water. No splash, not a movement of the river. Confused and scared, she looked after him, expecting to find him floating somewhere at least. She even called the police and after they investigated, they’ve found nothing. There had been no calls, no reported missing persons. As if he never even existed.

She suffered a lot. She didn’t know what to believe. She regretted not talking to him.

Anna didn’t even knew his name and this random stranger had caused her so much misery. She didn’t know what to make of it. She started to get so confused until she made herself believe it all had been her imagination. After some days she gave up on him and blamed herself for losing herself inside her own mind. She thought that maybe she had felt lonely and made him up. But I knew her long enough to know that she wasn’t that type of person. I didn’t know what to believe either and I was unable to help her in any way.

Time passed. After two more weeks she saw his picture in the newspaper. She recognized him. He’d been found dead, drowned, 73 km away from the bridge. After she gave some thought she said she believed it’s been some sort of vision. As if the connection they shared had been strong enough to let her see and know what had happened to him.

I refused to believe it. And it was the last time I saw Anna because, after this event, I stopped talking to her, I cut her off completely from my life. It kind of scared me and in the same time it all seemed bullshit to me. She also started reading stupid books about stuff that made no sense and went far away from the rational world.

I still don’t know what to make of it. And, the thing is, since then similar events keep popping into my life. This week for instance I’ve found out that one of my clients had been clinically dead 3 times in his life. 3 times! When I asked him if he remembered anything, he said that I should believe in those documentaries I often see on TV. But I’ll leave this for some other time. It’s just too much to process.

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